She gave up, gave in, finally her injuries got the better of her.
Turns out they had been nagging her for years to slow down, pay attention, go within… to listen just a little more, until one day wham.
It said “You shall stop now!”
A new era was born.
She knew this feeling.
It had happened several times in her life before…
a changing of the tide.
Only not as frequently as the tide, or not that she had noticed.
Besides that, she was used to pushing through the pain. Regularly.
In fact she had come to enjoy it, wear it as a badge of honour really.
So did the many that followed her into battle.
Often consulting the wise women, but not realising, not that it was obvious that one day that ‘other’ women would be her.
The other older wiser older woman taking her place in society of teaching and not going into battle as often as she once had.
Laying her sword down or feeling as though she needed to, even just for a while.
Who is this person without the battles she thought? Without the scars and the days of pain afterwards?
How does one exist like this and still be
Proud to be alive?
Proud to have contributed?
Really able to wear ‘life’ and ‘each breathe’ as a badge of honour.
This was the new battle.
Or was it no longer a battle? And instead, more of an allowing.
Something that had been creeping up as more of an unrequited longing.
The uncertainty masked with bravery turned into clarity and knowing. After the total allowing of what felt like a spiritual disfigurement.
A ripping apart from the inside out.
Or in nicer terms a gentle rebuilding.
Fuk part of me still hates that word ‘Gentle’.
I like a gentle rug under my feet and sometimes a gentle touch, but that’s about it.
Maybe it’s time, actually if I listen in more, it’s definitely time to allow all dimensions of flavours, sensations and materials, metal swords or gentle things to have more of a role in my life.
Yes I shall be allowing it.
As I allow air.
And it’s as simple as that.
So for the time being, I shall lay down my sword, I shall no longer slay every day.
Or get angry with myself even for a milli second for not enjoying the battle. There’s no time for that.
No regrets right?
While I dive deeper into the realm of being able to slice things apart with the mind and I sharpen that saw, and allow more air and all the experiences to enter as they will.
I’ll guide it as I still remain the captain after all.
Yes it’s a rebuild, but one that requires little to no action, turns out it never did and it’s all perfect.
How it was meant to be, the entire time as was each part that played a role.